he was CRYING into my vagina
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
