I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
