my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
