my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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