you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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