She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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