I just threw up on my dentist
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
