no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
