i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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