how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
