i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
