if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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