Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
