No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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