What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
