I should be sponsored by Trojan
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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