I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
