I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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