i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
