Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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