I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
