I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
