Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
