I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
