Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
vagina is talking i cant
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
