i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
