1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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