I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
