So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
