he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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