I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
