This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
