He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
