Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
