yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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