I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
