I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
