I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
