onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
