so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
