No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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