either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
