I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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