Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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