Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
