he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
