I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
love makes seman taste better
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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