my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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