Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
