hotel room ftw
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
